Louie here again, typing with a hurt claw, so ignore any mistakes I might make.
Why do I have a hurt claw you ask? I know you gotta be wondering that.
I have just one word for you: fairies.
Anyone who's been around this site for a while should understand my hatred of the "sweet" little mosquitoes. If all you know about fairies is the Disney Tinkerbell bull, you should really go back and read some of the old legends. Souring milk, knotting hair, stealing cows, babies and husbands.
Anyway, I was hanging out int he backyard the other day, having a mental debate whether I should go eat some of the sparrows at the bird feeder (they're nice and crunchy... I like that) and generally checking out my domain. There's this rose bush in the garden. Leaves growing now. Buds soon.
And what is hanging out underneath? A frikken fairy.
You know all those ridiculous pictures, like this one?
Well, let me tell you that the fairy is not acting cute and hugging the rose or whatever the hell you think it's doing. They collect the thorns, you see. And they use them for their traps, battle axes and shrapnel for dirty fairy bombs.
I snarled at it. It gave me the finger, pried off another thorn and flew off. I took a swipe at it, but the little bugger was too tricksy this time. That's how I hurt my claw.
The most annoying thing about fairies is that they're completely inedible. Well, it's not like they're poisonous or anything - not most of them anyway - but the wings get caught in your teeth and they're so full of tiny bones that they're more like flower-flavored twigs than anything savory.
I'll be watching this rose bush. If necessary, I will take this fairy out. The last thing we want in the yard is a colony of the little flying freaks.